It was perfect. The lights switched on, and he was highly motivated.albeit for a week or two. But in that moment, I experienced what it felt like to have an intrinsically motivated child, and it was wonderful.
Imagine if your child or students had high expectations and very clear goals. Imagine if they understood why everything you asked them to do—studying math, learning to write properly, eating healthy, helping around the house, etc.—was important to them attaining their goals and dreams.
No tricks or extrinsic motivators like money, rewards or grades necessary! The kids would simply think and act based on an understanding of what would make them better people, help them maximize their potential, and have the biggest positive impact on the world. On paper, this would surely make teaching and parenting easier.
We all benefit from motivations that come from within and are connected authentically to who we are. However, this can’t always be reality, and there’s no instant gratification when building intrinsic motivation in students.
Here are a several techniques to instill intrinsic motivation in your children and students:
1 – Make the Future Matter!
Years ago, research on a concept called time preference emerged in the educational world. In simple terms, this concept describes how far ahead someone looks when making a decision. The findings showed that the average teenager would think 12 to 24 hours ahead when making a decision. In other words, their decisions were made based on the perceived positive or negative consequences that would occur within the next 24 hours or less.
This is the epitome of instant gratification-centric thinking. As an example, when faced with the option of quitting school or staying enrolled, the idea of no homework tomorrow would play a larger role in the decision than the long-term negative implications of not graduating.
The same study showed that if you could push their time horizon out even a few weeks, they were much less likely to make life-changing, catastrophic decisions like taking drugs, quitting school, or committing a crime.
It is critically important to get students thinking about the future … to infuse it with some value that will influence the decisions they make. Too often, our youth are devoid of dreams because their minds just aren’t in the habit of thinking that far ahead.
Take every opportunity to envision the future with your children or students. Talk about how they see themselves in one, five, or ten years with specific details about what it may look like. Move the future from abstract to something almost tangible. This will help their future by influencing the decision-making process today!
2 – Success Breeds Success
Have you ever watched a child playing a sport? From my experience with my own children, I’ve found that the highest levels of engagement and motivation come after some sort of success, whether it is a home run, touch down or goal scored.
After my daughter scored her first soccer goal, her love for the game increased dramatically. All she wanted to do was kick the ball with me outside. Nothing begets motivation quite like success.
Humans need some level of gratification and feeling of accomplishment to stay motivated. Setting big goals is great, but we often lose steam when we come up short, experience minor setbacks, or find ourselves overwhelmed by the size of the challenge.
Teach your children to have big dreams but to break them down into smaller goals that will allow them to experience quicker positive feedback and success. Recognize the little accomplishments that, taken together, add up to extraordinary achievements.
3 – Find Them Doing Things Right
There is a philosophy on motivating children called the Nurtured Heart Approach. In essence, this is the practice of focusing on the things they’re doing right.
The opposite—which many of us do without realizing it—is zeroing in on their mistakes or shortcomings, something that can be very demotivating to young people.
There are many case studies on principals and educational leaders who have transformed academic cultures by putting this practice to work.
It’s a perfect example of the notion that “energy flows where attention goes.” Look to recognize the positive things your students or kids are doing. Even recognizing the absence of bad behavior is a way to accomplish this! The feeling of success and positive energy is a wonderful source for motivating them in the future.
4 – Give Greater Hope
When you change the way people view themselves, their environment, and their future, you change the decisions they make in the present. In our early work teaching entrepreneurship, our greatest successes were with inner-city drug dealers and gang members.
In many ways, they were quintessential entrepreneurs, given their natural inclinations to build networks, manage processes, and make money. But our entrepreneurship programs gave them more positive outlooks for a future in which they could make money and be successful without breaking the law or risking their lives or others, making for an attractive alternative.
The Possible Selves Theory teaches us that by guiding individuals to perceive possible “future selves,” we will help them to become more optimistic and function better socially and emotionally, thus driving greater motivation and engagement in life.
Teach your kids to dream big and make sure not to harshly judge a dream. The fact that they’re dreaming is what matters, not the dream’s content.
5 – Let Them Tell Their Stories
I once heard Erin Gruwell speak about her organization Freedom Writers. I was so moved by the power that was unleashed when her students, whom she inspired through the story of Anne Frank, transformed their lives through the process of telling their own stories.
As one of her students put it, “Writing in the diary allowed us to look at our lives objectively and gain perspective. Somehow it gives us strength and resolve, and it cleanses us .”
Our stories are our power. By taking a step back and finding our stories, we find meaning in our lives, see what matters and inspires us, and organically re-frame how we look at the future.
When you encourage students to find and share their stories, they build self-esteem, make stronger connections, gain inspiration, and often inspire others to do the same. They find themselves in their stories, and this leads intrinsic desire and motivation to expand within them.
Whenever possible, allow your child or students to create their story and share their experiences. It can open their hearts and fuel their passions as it did with the Freedom Writers.
6 – Use Video Metaphors
One of the best ways to instill knowledge and perspective is through the use of metaphors. Give someone an example to which they can relate, and then use that example to bridge the gap to the new concept or perspective.
One of the most powerful tools we have today is the proliferation of online videos that share inspirational stories. A quick search of YouTube, Vimeo, or Dailymotion will result in hundreds of videos with great positive messages. Many of these are stories of people just like your students with many of the same issues, struggles, and obstacles.
Videos are both engaging and relevant, as indicated by their millions of views from people all over the world. They inspire and broaden perspective, opening up new possibilities for students who see proof that they are capable of success beyond their current thinking or perceived limitations.
The videos can also demonstrate in real terms what success looks like and what is required, which is a great springboard for fostering intrinsic motivation.
Sometimes we fear what our children will be exposed to through social media and the vastness of the Internet. I say embrace these tools because there is amazing content everywhere that can inspire your children, engage them in life and motivate them to think of what they can become.
7 – Use Extrinsic Rewards ONLY to Drive Intrinsic Behavior
There is a great cookbook written by Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry’s wife) called Deceptively Delicious. In it, she provides recipes for things like chicken nuggets, pancakes and other items kids typically love. Her trick is mixing in healthy components while maintaining the kid-friendly taste. She adds cauliflower to the chicken nuggets and bananas in the pancakes, so the kids are eating what they love while she gives them what they need.
I try not to use extrinsic motivation with my children because it feels (to me) more like bribery than parenting. But is it?
We’re all trying to build good habits in our children. Habits come through practice, and so we need to facilitate activity that grows into good habits.
Extrinsic motivators can be used to help with this. For example, the next time your child gets a good grade or accomplishes something, provide a reward. But instead of celebrating the prize, celebrate the person they became to get the reward. Put the attention towards the growth.
If you give your child an allowance, throw in some new tasks like demonstrating self-discipline, keeping a gratitude journal, or being creativeby using problem-solving skills. You could also give them a bonus for putting effort into improving themselves such as by reading a book, practicing an instrument, or practicing a sport. Like Jessica Seinfeld, give them the pancakes, but make sure they’re getting what they need to become everything they can be.
There are no silver bullets, nor is there instant gratification when it comes to building intrinsic motivation in youth.
That said, these techniques are effective tools that will get results when executed over time. Stay focused; the greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to thrive without us, and intrinsic motivation is the fuel that will allow it to happen!